How to Be Confident in Your 40s: Stop Overthinking and Shine
- Megan Devito
- 6 hours ago
- 4 min read
Your 40s – A Strange Mix of Wisdom and WTF
I remember my 29th birthday well. My friends threw an amazing surprise party; facials, an indoor beach, margaritas, and donuts. It was incredible. And I was incredibly anxious.
Not just because I was always overthinking and anxious back then, but because turning 30 felt huge. It was like I’d unlocked a new level of anxious overthinking.
Fast forward twenty years, and here I am at 49, writing this, feeling calm, confident, and wondering if I can keep this 40s vibe going into my 50s.
If you've spent decades overthinking, questioning yourself, or waiting for permission to be who you really are. I get it. I did too.
As I approached 40, I was still deep in an anxiety disorder, terrified of getting older, drowning in self-doubt, and stuck in my head.
What I learned in a matter of months is, that this stage of life is a wild mix of
wisdom and second-guessing,
growth and self-doubt,
clarity and "WTF am I doing?"
Today, we’re diving into why that happens and how you can start showing up as your most confident, unapologetic self.
So let’s talk about why this happens and how you can step into this decade as your most confident, unapologetic self.
Buckle up, my friend. Your 40s are about to be amazing.
Why Your 40s Feel Like a Crossroads
If you listen to the talking heads on the internet you'll hear that you're too old to make a difference, that you're practically over the hill, and that your time to shine is over.
By now, you should have checked all the boxes.
Career ✔️
Marriage ✔️
Kids ✔️
A nice house ✔️
Maybe a solid retirement plan, the vacation of a lifetime, and now it's time to sit back and let the youngsters take over. *Insert dramatic eye roll here*
But what if you have all that under your belt and you're not sure what's next?
Or what if you don’t have some of those things and feel like you’re behind?
Add in perimenopause, aging parents, raising teenagers, career shifts; it’s no wonder this decade can overwhelming.
As Leslie Duffy shared in Episode 46 of More Than Anxiety, many women hit their 40s and realize they’ve spent decades prioritizing everyone else.
And then the question hits:
💡 Who am I when I’m not just taking care of everyone else?
I had a client who was the the boss in her job and in her home. When she finally had a free evening, she felt lost. Her kids weren't babies anymore and since she wasn’t helping with homework, running to practice, or checking something off a to-do list, she felt like she was missing something. She even called herself lazy. And I hear this all the time.
Women who have forgotten how to just be themselves.
The Confidence Myth: Why You Still Don't Feel Confident
Most of us grew up believing confidence comes with age but what really comes with age is wisdom and hindsight.
Both are great but what about feeling like you can conquer the world instead of feeling like you're over the hill.
If confidence came with age, we'd all be riding high so why do so many women in their 40s still struggle with self-doubt?
The Myth: Confidence is something you get once you’ve accomplished enough.
The Truth: Confidence comes from trusting yourself, even when you don’t have all the answers or know the outcome.
Overthinking is one of the biggest confidence killers. It keeps you stuck in analysis paralysis, replaying mistakes, questioning choices, and worrying about what people think.
💡 How many times have you rewritten a text or email before sending it? Or said yes to something that you knew inside was a ‘no’ because you didn’t want to let someone down?
That’s not a lack of confidence, it’s years of conditioning to put other people’s needs first.
How To Be Confident In Your 40s
Take a moment and picture this:
You wake up and trust yourself to make decisions without second-guessing.
You set boundaries without feeling like you have to explain yourself.
You say no without the guilt and yes without worrying about what other people will think of you.
💡 What would life feel like if you stopped waiting for permission and just owned who you are?
Confidence isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about believing you'll find them and figure it out.
Why Coaching Changes Everything
If you’re nodding along to this, wondering why you still feel stuck in self-doubt, I get it. So many women in their 40s feel this way, even when they look successful on Instagram, LinkedIn or even in person.
You’ve read the books.
You’ve listened to the podcasts.
You’ve tried to “think positive” and fake it till you make it.
But nothing seems to stick.
Why?
Because confidence isn’t just about knowing what to do, it’s about trusting yourself to do it.
And that trust doesn’t happen overnight.
It happens when you have support, accountability, and a clear way forward.
💡 What would change for you if you stopped overthinking and started believing in yourself?
How I Can Help You: Your Next Step
You don’t have to wait for another decade to finally feel like yourself. The time to start is now; whether you're still in you 30's or you're knocking on 50's front door.
Ask yourself what's keeping you from making the changes you want to make. My guess is that you think it has something to do with time, money, or what you think you're capable of. I'm here to tell you, that's rarely the case.
I can help you figure out what's really keeping you stuck when you Book a free Boundaries & Balance Audit. During the call, you can get clear on what’s working, what’s keeping you stuck, and where you need to focus to finally feel confident, calm, and in control of your life.
Your 40s aren’t the beginning of the end, they’re the start of you fully owning who you are and sharing it with the world!
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