Love Halloween and horror movies but also struggle with anxiety? In this episode, I'm sharing the connection between scary movies and managing anxiety.
Discover how:
Scary movies can be a form of exposure therapy.
The controlled fear of horror can provide relief from real-world anxieties.
You can use scary movies to challenge your own anxious thoughts and cultivate new responses.
Key Topics:
The psychology of horror and anxiety
How to use scary movies to manage anxiety
Overcoming the fear of fear
The power of choice and new responses
The connection between anxiety and self-created stories
Join me on this fun episode to learn how to use the power of fear for personal growth and anxiety management.
Podcast Transcript: Halloween and AnxietyHall
Welcome to episode seven, and the week before Halloween. I am so glad that you're here and you decided to join me again this week. I'm always amazed at how quickly the weeks go by. And actually, the more I think about it, how quickly the seasons go by because I feel like I was just at the Fourth of July and considering starting a podcast and here we are at the end of October. If I'm being honest, the holiday season is sort of starting because at one point, I guess it started with Thanksgiving, but honestly Halloween is kind of where it starts now. Or maybe Thanksgiving... but we're ready to celebrate. And if you've hung out here with me for the last six or seven weeks, you know what kind of like celebrate. So let's do it. Let's celebrate! Let's celebrate Halloween and think about something else you can celebrate in your life because that's what keeps us motivated. We have to give our brain that little hit of fun and dopamine, so celebrate something today, and you can start with this podcast. How's that?
01:42
So love it or hate it. It is spooky season. Honestly, I guess like if you're anxious spooky season might never end. It could be spooky season, all year long if you kind of live your regular life on edge. Today, though, let's scare away some of the things that you come up with on your own the nightmares that you create and talk about what you can do to turn spooky into sweet and fun and take a powerful step towards feeling less freaked out by the thoughts that come into your brain and your everyday life. Sound good? Alright, let's get started.
02:22
Often when I am working with clients, one of the ideas or one of the things that pops up for them is the fear of fear, and also the fear of feeling calm, which seems like the exact opposite. But when you think about how your body's conditioned, it doesn't like to feel anxious and a change is always perceived as a threat. So if you feel calm, that also feels anxious. It's a terrible catch 22 to be, but that's what happens. What's interesting, though, is the way that Halloween, or horror movies, or haunted houses, or ghost tours or anything else really play into anxiety, and how for a lot of anxious people scary stuff, like zombies and monsters and axe murderers can actually be calming. Watching Saw, or Halloween or Friday, the 13th, or whatever other scary movie is out there can be very calming for people with anxiety, which is totally weird. But scientists have noticed that some anxious people are drawn to horror movies. We can use those jumpscares and spooky season to really start to relieve anxiety and even to heal your nervous system, and create new habits that serve you instead of keeping you stuck, which is why I am here and what this is all about! But why is this a thing and how does this work?
03:53
I will be straightforward and say I don't love horror movies. My kids love these things. I dropped my 16 year old son off to see Smile last week after my 15 year old nephew told me absolutely no way, he had to leave. And my 16 year old he loves this stuff, and he was like, honestly, it was the most intense movie I've ever seen and we almost had to take a break. I loved it! And I'm like, what? Why would you want to watch that? He thought it was great. I don't like horror movies. But you can use scary movies and other spooky things to benefit you, and here's how. I want to start with the story though.
04:33
I want to tell you about my honeymoon which sounds like a terrible way to introduce scary things but it wasn't like that. My husband and I went to Tybee Island and to Savannah on our honeymoon. The year that we got married was the year after a big hurricane had hit Tybee. There wasn't a lot to do on the island. A lot of things were destroyed and they were rebuilding. So we ate some crab and we hung out at the beach for a while and we decided to go into Savannah. If you've never been to Savannah, Georgia, it's one of the most haunted cities in the country, and I totally love ghost stories. So no, I don't like horror movies, but I love ghost stories. So while we were there, I'm like, we are absolutely going on that night ghost tour. It started in a cemetery. They just happened to be filming Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil while we were there, which, because I don't like scary movies, I think that movie is very scary. So you know what my level of fear is. But it was totally creepy. I loved every second of it. I was creeped out. I laid in bed when we got back to the hotel, and was like staring in the dark corners waiting for ghosts and I thought it was freaking amazing. The part you also need to know is that I was incredibly overwhelmed with anxiety at this point in my life. My wedding is one of the things that anxiety actually stole from me because I was so anxious that I couldn't relax, and I didn't have very much fun if I'm being honest. And that's a story for another time,. Anxiety steals lots of amazing things from us. But back when we were first married, I was in the thick of really heavy anxiety and that ghost walk was so fun, and so anxiety free, that we actually did it away again a few weeks ago. We were back in Savannah for the first time since our honeymoon and we did the ghost tour and I loved it. This one was different. It was with a medium. She we did different things. It was creepy and fun. But it totally hit different. And the reason it hit different wasn't because it wasn't still spooky with the same kind of stories, it was because I'm different. My nervous system is different, and my fear factor was different. So it hit different. It was still really fun and I still have good stories.
06:55
What I'm getting at here is that anxiety sufferers can gravitate towards things that scare them because the stories that we create inside our own minds are far more scary than anything Hollywood could show us, or anything a midnight ghost tour in a graveyard could show us or haunted houses or whatever else you expose yourself to. We scare ourselves enough inside our own heads. So anxiety sufferers can gravitate towards horror movies, or they love Halloween or haunted houses or ghost tours more than other people because the fear is a distraction from their own scary thoughts.
07:41
If you fear your own demise, or you're watching something scary on TV, the focus isn't on you and your life. It's watching something from the outside. Both of them feel the exact same way in your body, but the meaning and the thought behind the fear is incredibly different. If you pay attention to how you feel when you watch a scary movie, it's very similar to the way that you feel when you're anxious. But it's not about you. This is key! It's really the thought about what it is that you're fearing.
08:21
The second reason that anxiety sufferers can be really drawn to scary stories is because the fear is controlled. You can turn the TV off, you can leave the movie theater, you can walk out of the haunted house, all of that stuff at any time. You are free to get up and leave. I told you I took my son to see Smile. He could have got up and left if he wanted to. My nephew did get up and leave. It's controlled. You get to feel it and turn it off. Sometimes when you're anxious, turning it off feels impossible. And it's all about you. We know it's not real when we watch it on TV, we even know a lot of times it's not real when we feel our bodies. The difference is the thought that we have about the story that we're seeing. We realize in the moment that we're not being attacked by a guy with a chainsaw wearing a mask. Or there's no person smiling in the corner - that's just the story. But when the story is about us, and what people think about us, and what might happen to us, that's where the anxiety comes in!
09:31
And the third reason that people can really love these, the scary things like spooky season and all of the fun stuff we get to do is because the fear is over when it's over. We don't worry that the movie is going to come back on or that we'll be trapped in the haunted house or the graveyard forever. There is an end and we can anticipate it. We know that when it's over, we're done. We can go home. We can grab another thing of popcorn we could go watch another movie if we wanted to. We're not trapped so we get to control the fear.
10:03
So I want you to think of a time that you are watching the scariest movie that you've ever seen. And I'll be honest, for me, this isn't going to be very impressive because again, I love a good ghost tour, but I don't love the more like, especially the more modern horror movies all watch old school Halloween or like Night of the Living Dead or something like that, because they're monster movies, but I love gore and I don't like the psychological stuff very much, except for the one with a lady tapped on the teacups, and that one was really freaky. And I can't even remember what it was called now. That one I actually kind of liked. But for me, the Sixth Sense was scary enough. That's all I needed. It was a ghost story. And I was cool with that. But I don't like it.
10:43
So think of the one that you like, if you love scary movies, think of your favorite scary movie. Whether you're a fan of scary movies that are not.
10:52
How do you feel right before you go into the movie?Are you excited and keyed up? Are you scared to death? Are you just, are you calm? How do you feel? So think back to that movie and just go take yourself back in time for a second. And notice how you felt. Okay, then what about during the movie and this is important because whether you felt calm, or terrified, you ended up calling this movie your favorite so there was something about it that you really loved. You can love the scariest movie you've ever seen, and that's very telling.What did you like about it? How did you feel during the movie? Obviously scared, but how else? Did you feel? Powerful? Did you feel in control? Did you feel entertained?How was that sensation for you? Was your heart going crazy and were your hands sweating? Did you hide your eyes? Did you laugh? It's okay. Like, I have to admit sometimes I laugh in scary movies. Laughter is a release of tension. Sometimes we that's why we can laugh in like really inappropriate places like funerals, or places where we're supposed to be all somber, and sometimes we can't laugh. It's nervous energy. Sometimes we laugh and we're scared. Was your body tense? Was it relaxed? Were you wide awake? Or were you starting to doze off? Have you ever dozed off and a slasher movie? People do it? There's no wrong answers here. We're just being curious about how you react when you put yourself in a situation where you're enjoying being scared. What about when it was over? So go back to your body again; when that scary movie was over, were you energized? Were you calm and ready to go home and go to bed? Were you freaked out but you loved it? Like me after the ghost tour? What about your anxious thoughts? And I mean, your anxious thoughts? Not the scary story from the movie? What was your anxiety level like? Was it better? Was it worse? Was it there at all? Did you go to the movie and leave feeling as relaxed as you felt in a very long time? This can happen.
13:04
So,scary movies.... all of the movies transport us to another place in time. Whether you're watching us or you're watching Christmas vacation, scary movies, take your brain on a quick vacation somewhere else. It doesn't matter what movie you're watching. When your brain is outside of its anxious habit loop, you aren't anxious because anxiety is thought related, but driven by your body. Even when you're involved with like a knife toting, clown killer, you can feel all the scary feelings and not engage. You aren't creating the thoughts. You're just watching the movie. And maybe you're freaked out by clowns for a while afterwards but that fear being afraid is not the same as being anxious, is it? These are totally different things.
13:49
Let's talk about how you can use scary stuff to your advantage and really use scary movies that you might love, or haunted houses, or Halloween to heal from anxiety. The first thing you can do is pay attention to how your body reacts to fear, the anxious stories that you're creating in your own brain, and the fear you feel when you're watching a movie or going to the haunted house, or on the ghost tour. Those feelings inside your body are the same. Your heart speeds, your eyes dilate, you might get sweaty, you might feel like your chest is tight, you might be holding your breath. The feelings in your body are the same. It's the thoughts that you're having about those feelings. Scared is scared. Excited, feels the same way as well. So pay attention to how anxiety feels inside your body during the movie, or how fear feels during the movie. And what anxiety feels like when you leave the movie, or fear feels like when you leave the movie. Really get curious and pay close attention to how your body feels. Anxious people misinterpret feelings as actual danger and when that happens, your brain starts concocting stories to find meaning. But, this doesn't happen during a scary movie, because we already know it's a movie or a story; we don't need meaning! The meaning is there, it's a movie, I'm supposed to be scared.
15:13
The second thing you can do is allow yourself to feel however you feel when you are anxious, and detach meaning from those feelings in your body. And just get curious. If you can say, Oh, God, I feel just so anxious. I wonder what these feelings are trying to tell me. What is this feeling trying to tell me, because your brain will start writing a horror movie script about what those feelings mean, if that is your current habit. Anxiety is a biological process in your body to keep you safe. Whether it's safe from being embarrassed, safe from a disease, safe from some tragic ending that you've created for yourself, your brain has tried to keep you safe, and it's going to do it in whatever way it needs to to make sure that you react. You're either going to run away, you're going to freeze, you're going to fight or you're going to do everything you can to make someone happy. And that's how you stay alive, even when it's out of order, or disordered. But when you are curious, curiosity opens up new options on how you can react. You can choose a new response. You can avoid asking for reassurance or Googling, or falling into a puddle. You have the power to choose this response, in the same way that you have the power to get up and leave the movie theater, or to go in the hallway and take a break, or to cover your eyes, or to plug your ears. You get to choose your response. And you can choose powerful responses that teach your brain not to be afraid the same way it's not afraid in the movie theater. It's scary, but it doesn't have to turn into anxiety. You control the fear.
17:02
Number three, fear is only a thought and thoughts aren't truth. So for example, most people don't fear an actual zombie walking in their front door. There is separation from the fear and the fact. This is a type of exposure therapy that you're doing when you are loving these scary movies. You're putting yourself in a situation where you are purposely scared and you are choosing to be scared on purpose. That is basically exposure. Now you might not be exposing yourself to the thing that you're most afraid of, but we can work on that. It doesn't have to be - I avoid this thing forever, because it's scary, but I'll watch scary movies. I help people all the time in a coaching situation, try and do things that scare the crap out of them, and you know what? They amaze themselves what they can do! So when you're open to fear, and if you love scary stuff, you're totally open to fear... when you love fear, you can start digging into the truth underneath the fear. What am I actually afraid of here? Why does that even scare me? And you might have real reasons to be afraid of things, especially if you have had an event that happened in your past, which normally anxiety has come from something that has scared you. If you've experienced something, even something that wasn't connected to you a scary story about someone else and you internalized that, yeah, I can feel really scary. Asking yourself Why Does that scare me so much? If you've been to therapy, you might have used cognitive behavioral therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy... Geez, I couldn't get that out, or CBT does this in a way that looks at probability or exposure?
18:44
Coaching is a little bit different. It does this through moving forward from that fear. So through the, Why are you afraid of this, let's create some new thoughts about who you are and what is true for you, and get some new responses for when you feel anxious. Therapy is fantastic for healing your past trauma. Coaching is different coaching moves forward from where you are towards a goal that you set. This is really how I help people who are anxious who have maybe low confidence or whatever the thought is that is keeping them stuck. It's how we move past that thought and past those feelings in your body and it's amazing. Totally freaking amazing what you can accomplish when you stop believing your own horror stories, or your ghost stories, or that you live in a haunted house, and you start believing that it's just how my body feels when I'm just anxious. And having anxiety can become like watching a scary movie, instead of being in an actual horrific situation.
19:44
You're with me?
19:46
Anxiety is, don't get me wrong, incredibly uncomfortable and it can bring up a ton of scary thoughts and physical feelings. If you start to treat the anxiety in your life the same way that you treat the anxiety that you experience at a scary movie or for Halloween, or any other spooky thing though, you can launch yourself into healing. And you can use the scary movies, or whatever haunted houses you're going to, or whatever graveyard tours you're taking to your benefit. You can experience fear in a way that is safe and controlled. And you might actually kinda like it, because if you're going to them, my guess is that you're going because you don't hate them, unless you're doing it to make your friends happy. And that could be fawning. So, in the scheme of managing anxiety, it's super important to know that this is the most common mental health affliction in the United States, and actually the whole world right now. Thank you. COVID. Thank you news. Thank you all the things that are going on around us, but it is incredibly treatable and totally recoverable. You can live a totally normal life, my friend. You can feel good! You can be scared by haunted houses, and have it not mean anything anymore. It doesn't have to be a comfort thing. You can deal with the way your body feels, and create new habits that help you move forward, instead of keeping you on that stupid hamster wheel that you can never get off of. You know that one, we're like, I'm scared. And then I freak out. And then I relaxed, and then I'm scared again. Let's get off that thing! You can do it, you can do it before we get into the true holiday season, if you get started. It is a choice. You have me here to help you get started, like right away.
21:34
Every day that you allow your anxiety to simmer in your brain, it digs itself a little bit deeper, and I am telling you from someone who let it grow for 30 years, taking legitimate action right away is powerful, nd it will probably scare you! I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, it's gonna feel hard. I'm not saying it's easy. I'm saying it is simple to feel the fear and understand that it's okay. That means you're doing something right. Just like when you go to that scary movie, just like it isn't spooky season. So I want to ask you a legitimate question here. What are you waiting for? And I don't say that facetiously because I know it's scary. I know it feels overwhelming. I know it can feel impossible. I'm asking you with curiosity. What is the story that's holding you back? What is your fear? What is that voice inside your head saying to you to make you stay stuck in this place of anxiousness? And then what are you missing out on? What are you missing out on because that in itself can be scary! What are you waiting for?
22:48
You can choose to keep believing and reacting to that story that you're telling yourself. Or you can decide that you're ready to switch from like a horror movie, and maybe like fast forward into the Hallmark movie stage of the holidays. You know, the mushy love ones with the hot chocolate, and the sled rides, and the people that fall in love, and then get in a fight, and then break up, and then decide they were meant for each other because every plot is the same. You know what I like those movies a lot better than horror movies.
23:16
So it's simple. All you have to do is find a time to chat with me. You can find that if you go to the link at the end of the show notes. It'll take you to my calendar. You're not signing your life away. You're talking with me on the phone, you can tell me all about your favorite movie. You can tell me all about the scary stories you have in your head. And you can tell me what you would rather experience instead. Maybe you want to live a Hallmark movie; maybe you're just maybe you're ready to go there already. Okay? But you have to open the door for what you want. On the other side of fear first. You know the squeaky door in the movie.... and you don't know what's on the other side. There's good stuff on the other side of that door, my friends. You just have to choose to walk through. I can help you. I'm here waiting for you and I'm cheering for you. I hope you have a fantastic week and I will see you next week in episode eight. Take care.
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