Feeling overwhelmed by stress and anxiety? Join me in episode 4 to learn how you to shift your perspective to find gratitude even in bad situations. Learn techniques to:
Reduce Anxiety
Build Resilience
Boost Confidence
In this episode, you'll also learn about:
The science behind anxiety
How to find the good in difficult situations
The power of positive thinking
How to build resilience
Techniques for boosting confidence
Ready to overcome stress and anxiety so you're more risilient, confident and calm? Listen to this episode and explore how Megan can help you as a coach!
Podcast Transcript: Finding Gratitude
Hello, and welcome to Episode Four. I'm Megan Devito and I am back today and I'm gonna help you find some new ways of looking at your life... and that the whole world actually. And help you find some ways that you can start dialing back some of the anxious feelings and thoughts you might have and start to shift your perspective on yourself and on this really super amazing life that you get to live - even if right now it feels like anything except amazing. Let's start finding some good stuff. And I want you to understand that I really want to do this in a way that is not toxic. I'm not talking about everything is sunshine and rainbows all the time. I'm talking about finding the good that gets stuck in the corners of the garbage. Okay, so I'm really excited to share this episode with you today for a couple of reasons. One is that I'm good at this. And I'm going to teach you and not in this weirdo positive kind of way. And the other reason is, I have a way of explaining how you can start to see the world and your life in a different way that is super easy. Because it's really easy to look around, especially if you watch the news like I do, and start to feel like everything is falling apart. It can be super depressing. It can be terrifying. Everybody's fighting, there's pandemics and epidemics. And there's wars and climate change and all of this stuff. And it's just so heavy. And yeah, if we watch it, everything really looks like it's gone to shit. And I get that. But I'm here to, not to downplay what's going on, but to teach you how you can use your brain to make it less scary, and to start finding some little tiny bits of hope in your own life to help you feel safe, and also hopeful. And really the best news is that it's easy, and you don't have to lie to yourself to get from where you are to where you want to be. Again, I don't want this to be fiction and fantasy land, and pretending like everything is sunshine and rainbows all the time, when you've got some really heavy stuff going on. There are some heavy things out there; I'm not going to pretend like there's not. But when we can find little nuggets of goodness in your day, and little things that even in the stuff that sucks is good, your brain starts to look for more of that. It starts to shift its perspective to what's going well. And this is always the first question when I work with coaching clients that I asked them, we get on the phone, "Hey, how are you today? Tell me something that's going well for you." And sometimes when we first start, I get this like dead silence like... "Nothing. That's why I'm talking to you." And other times, the further we get down into the coaching relationship, people are like, "Oh my God! Let me tell you these 10,000 things that happened this week." And that's when we know we've hit like this, like sweet pace of running towards some brain change.
03:58
So I want you to think about this, you know, that old question that asks, Is the glass half full or half empty? That's a legitimate question that you need to ask yourself. It's kind of like the idea of rose colored glasses where everybody's like, everything is so beautiful all the time. That's not necessarily true that right? But your view of that glass of water or milk or gin or whatever it is, tells you everything you need to know about how your day and how your life will flow. Because it really does depend on how you're looking at situations. And that is how two people can look at the exact same circumstance and see completely different things.
04:44
I just want to tell you that I just finished a coaching container with this amazing woman who when we started our coaching container, she was very anxious and we were dealing with anxiety, and towards the beginning of the container she was diagnosed with cancer. And yes, she was anxious and scared. And by the end of it, I was so incredibly inspired by her attitude and her perception of how she was handling things. And how she chose to look at her life. When there was a part of me that was like, but oh my god, like you're not scared. And she was like, I'm scared. But man, there's so much going on that's good. And it's perspective. It's how one person looks at a situation and falls apart. And another person looks at a situation and says, "It suck. It's scary, but you know what, these things are good." And that's what I want to teach you. Because it's never about what's actually going on, it's about how your brain is processing it and what you can find to look at in that situation. So let's say that you woke up late. This is actually an example from my own life. And let's say you hurry through your morning routine, and you grab like a banana and a cup of coffee on your way out the door. Because this is my life, right? I have kids that I have to get to school, I have places that I have to go, I'm bumping my tea mug all over, I literally just spilled hot tea on my lap as, as I'm telling you this. You guys, I should really only do one thing at a time. But what I was gonna say is, let's say that you run out the door with a cup of coffee and you spill it on yourself on the way to work. Or you know what, let's just say that you're creating a podcast and you spilled tea on your lap while you're trying to tell the same story. Hey, guess what, guys, my tea was not that hot, because I hadn't taken a sip of it yet. So right away, that's something to be grateful for. I don't have a third degree burn. But if I'm on my way to work, and I spill coffee down my shirt, and onto the seat in my brand new car, I'm stressed, right, like I don't... Great. Now I have coffee on my shirt. And it's all over the seat of my car. And this is when I have to stop. And I have to say okay, you know what, my pants are wet, but I'm not burned. Or take a breath and look around and say, What the heck can I do besides freak out and get angry and let this ruin the rest of my day? Because there are a lot of people who would say, there are some people that are like, "Okay, great, you know what, it's not a problem. You can just handle it. It's not a big deal. It's just coffee." There's other people that are like, "I spilled coffee on myself. And then I was late and..." And when we find one thing that's not going well, then everything else feels like it's not going well. But when we can shift the perspective, just a tiny bit to "You know what I woke up this morning, Three cheers for me. My autonomic nervous system woke me up. I didn't die while I was asleep. So right away. I'm above the ground. It's a good day." Any day above ground is a good day! Two. I had a banana and time to grab coffee. That banana that I grabbed is, you know, it's good. It's decent. It's not bad. Do I wish I had peanut butter? Sure. But I've got food in my house and there are people all over that don't have the opportunity to grab food on their way out the door and I grabbed it like it was no big thing... And then downplay the fact that I only have a banana. I have food. And three, I have a car! Most of the world does not own a car. But I have a car. I have money for gas and a job. And it's really what you look for. Am I still ticked that I don't my coffee down my shirt or in this case the tea on my leg? Sure! That was not ideal. I didn't like it at all. I love my coffee in the morning. And not only do I wear a lot of white shirts, and get really annoyed by the fact that I have coffee on them sometimes, but I wanted to drink it. So I can focus on the fact that some of it spilled and my shirts dirty or I can focus on the fact that these are the things that I'm having to look for right now in this situation. Please notice that I am not negating the fact that something really crappy happened. It's just that I'm not using it to dominate what I'm seeing.
09:12
Do you see how handy those little rose colored glasses can be in that situation? So all of a sudden, this completely craptastic morning turns into something to be grateful for. So let's do another scenario really quickly here. This one actually has happened multiple times. So I want you to know that I used to have this amazing dog and her name is Georgia. And she was half Mastiff and half lab and 100% Sweet. And oh my god, do you guys I was totally in love with this dog. And if you go on my Instagram feed, you can see pictures of her she was the sweetest thing. And she was only four and she got really sick and she passed away and it completely like shattered my heart. But when you're raising a puppy, even a sweet, wonderful puppy, like Georgia, or my dogs that I have now... all puppies, we, you know, they have accidents. And so one morning I woke up, and my kids were late for school, and Georgia, had eaten something, and she had gotten sick all over our basement carpet. And remember, my kids are already late for school, which means I'm going to be late for work. There's puppy puke, in piles all over my carpet. And I am like, irate like, already sweating, cussing early in the morning, freaking out. "My kids are gonna be late! Now I have to clean up after this dog and the carpets ruined!" And I'm like losing my mind, right. So my sweet baby Georgia, not only is the floor covered, but I still have to get my kids around and clean the carpet up and get to work. And in that moment, I was raging! And not really seeing anything good about having a puppy or carpet or anything else at that at that point. Okay. And then it's time to put those glasses back on. And it's time to scrap. Because honestly, in that moment, there was nothing that felt good about my day.
11:25
So I'm sitting there and I'm like, like, cussing at the carpet. And I think at that point, I was crying and completely stressed out. And I just wanted to go back to bed and say screw it and be done for the day. And I had to pause and take a breath. Okay. I have a puppy and she's so sweet, and so cute. And you know what? The puke is coming out of the carpet. And thank God I have stain remover because I just happen to have a bottle of stain remover to get things like this out of my carpet - because again, I have kids. And it's coming out. So thank God for that. My kids got themselves around, probably because they were terrified of me as I was cussing at the carpet. But they did it. And my puppy is not sick, she was just being a puppy. And you know what guys, I have carpet! And here's the fun fact about me. My dad and my father in law were both born in houses with no freaking floors or carpet. I have carpet! And I'm complaining about the fact that I have to clean my carpet. And you know what else dawned on me in the middle of this like stretching it to try and feel good? I was able to bend down and pick up puke. I mean, this is how far your brain has to stretch sometimes. What if I had been in a wheelchair? What if I couldn't walk? What if I couldn't go down steps? I was able to clean it up. And you want to know what else happened? I didn't end up being late to work. That is bananas crazy! And it's not because some magical fairy came and made me on time to work. It's because I decided to shift my perspective and start finding what was going well so that I could move forward. So I get it! No one that I know gets super excited about cleaning up a pile of dog puke and I don't either. I hate it, right. I love puppies. I love puppies. I love coffee. I do not like it when I spill things on myself. I definitely don't like it when my dog messes with my carpet. I don't want to clean it up. It's awful. I mean, let's be honest. However, I know a lot of people that can look at that from a very half empty perspective and say screw it. I am done with this day it is going to be a bad day. And when you do that you decide you make a decision in that moment that the day is bad. And from there on out you're going to find whatever it is you're looking for. And if you are looking for the things that... "Well the day's already bad, I'd love to see what else can bad can happen today," you will absolutely 100% Find more bad. And that's the truth. Your brain finds what it's looking for. However, if you flip the switch and you say "Well that's sucked. Thank God the carpet cleaners taken out and at least my kids got themselves dressed and I wasn't late to work." Then all of a sudden you've taken the pressure off and it opens your brain up to find more things that are going to go well during the day. You know that was a bad 10 minutes, 15 minutes however long it took. I don't even remember how it was long time ago.
14:50
Those rose colored glasses do not change the situation. They do not change when crappy things happen to you. It does not take away loss. If someone dies, it's going to hurt and you are going to mourn. If you crash your car, it's not going to make you less angry or less scared. But the way that you look at the situation opens your brain up to the possibilities of good things that can come out of it. Like I am safe. I got to love. This really hurts because I love someone. It doesn't take away the bad, it just acts as like a balm on it to help it heal. Are you with me?
15:36
So I want you to understand that I'm not coming at this from a perspective of everything is sunshine all the time? It's not, it's not! So why do we even bother with this? Does it even really matter? If you see things from a positive side? Or is that just some like hippy woowoo theory that doesn't stand up? So I just want to tell you, that a positive mindset and seeing the good 100% matters in your life. And there are all kinds of health benefits outside of just feeling better, and less grouchy the rest of the day. So this is what the Mayo Clinic has to say about it and I am certainly not the Mayo Clinic. "Health benefits that positive thinking may provide includes increased lifespan, lower rates of depression, lower levels of distress, greater resistance to the common cold, better psychological, and physical well being better cardiovascular health, a reduced risk of death from cardiovascular disease," which is like stroke and heart attack. "better coping skills during hardships in times of stress. It is unclear why people who engage in positive thinking experience these health benefits. One theory is that having a positive outlook enables you to cope better with stressful situations, which reduces the harmful health effects of stress on your body. It is also thought that positive and optimistic people tend to live healthier lifestyles. They are more physically active. They follow a healthier diet. They don't smoke or drink alcohol in excess." Straight up from the Mayo Clinic. Less stress, less anxiety, less depression, less sickness. And this is just from switching your perspective 1% at a time. Don't freak yourself out here. This is not like, "Hey, I'm just going to decide today that everything is better forever." That's not how it works. But we can gradually start shifting your brain to start finding better things going on in your life and it's not that hard. I work with clients all the time on this and it is so freakin fun to hear them. By the time we move through a few sessions to hear them just what's going well, "I don't know. I don't think anything's going well" to "Oh my gosh, let me tell you what happened the other day!" It's amazing, like totally amazing! And then they start doing things that they wanted that they had mentioned previously that they wanted to do that they forgot about. And they're like, "Oh my God, I didn't say I wanted to do that." Yeah, you did. You said that. And then you did it. And we didn't even talk about it. It's crazy. It's so fun.
18:28
Okay, but what if you're like, you know what, Megan, this is stupid, and I just absolutely can't seem to get myself into that positive mindset. I get it. You're a human, and you have a human brain. And human brains are wired to find what's not going well, and what's bad and what's dangerous because when your brain is finding those things, it thinks that it is keeping you safe. It thinks that it's keeping you away from things like saber toothed tigers, and like dinosaurs and whatever else that it has in its little imaginary land, that it has to protect you from. If you are a human who is inherently negative, your brain is working fine. But it doesn't have to stay that way. When I am coaching people, one of the most common complaints that people bring up is their tendency to feel negative, or defeated, or mopeym, or just be like Debbie Downer all the time. Like you know what, "God I'm just so negative, like everything is always well, just my luck." You don't have bad luck. You don't have bad luck! You just have a brain that's focused on trying to keep you safe. You're pretty normal. It's okay. We can totally work with this. Okay, so when this happens when people start, like telling me about their tendency to feel negative, or, like, "I have this bad attitude all the time", these attitudes and beliefs are just crushing and they help and they can feel really hard to stop because they feel incredibly real inside your head and inside your body, when we start looking at changing the focus of your brain.
20:09
So pretend like your brain has almost like a net over it. Alright, so kind of imagine your brain, picture it with a net over it and that net filters out things that you don't need to see or think about. It literally does this. Because if you think about the world around you think on beat, like, imagine yourself walking down a busy street, in a in like a loud, big city like New York or Chicago or LA. Imagine walking down that stree and considering all of the stimuli that surround you. Stoplights, traffic, people, horns, what's going on inside the building, music, food, smells, potholes, whatever else is there. You can't take all that in and be able to function. So your brain has this net over it and that net filters out to just see the things that you want it to see. Okay, so that's kind of like if you say, I'm going to find pink elephants, all of a sudden, you're like, why are there so many pink elephants in this town? Well, it's because you told your brain to look for them! It's not magic; your brain just knows what it's looking for. And your brain will do the same thing when you tell it to look for everything that's bad. "Well, that person looked at me funny. They probably hate me. They probably think my outfits ugly." "Well, I have this thing on my arm, it's probably cancer." "I have terrible luck. Everything bad happens to me." You keep telling yourself that and that will absolutely become your truth. However, if you switch it to like, you know what, I'm having a pretty good day. "I'm so glad I didn't get hit by that bus." "I'm having some good luck today." "Check that out! I didn't fall off the curb!" "You know what, my shoes feel really good on my feet." All of a sudden, your brain starts finding everything that's working really well, because you told your brain to look for it. And that's really what it's about. Does that make sense?
22:04
So, kind of a quick episode today. But I wanted to step in and let you know that this is totally normal. And you get to choose your perspective, you can put on rose colored glasses anytime you want, you've got a pair, they're imaginary, just pull them out of your pretend pocket and put them on your real face or over your over your brain. And, if you are ready to dive deeper into this and start talking about how you can feel more positive, and more confident, and more empowered, and less anxious, and less stressed, we have got to talk because this is one of my very favorite, most powerful things that I work on when I'm coaching people! Its really shifting your perspective to what is going well how your life is just moving forward and finding the things that you want to find, so you can create the life that you absolutely love living! You can have more of what you want and less of what you don't want, and it is as simple as shifting your perspective. It's super easy, all you have to do is schedule a coaching consultation. And you can go to www.10000swords.com and schedule one and talk with me later on this week if you want. It's super fun, super simple. And you might be sitting there thinking, Yes, Megan, but I have social anxiety. And I would rather be like shot in the leg than talk on the phone to a stranger. I get it. I get it. I do. And I know it might feel awkward at first. But I promise you, it'll take you about 30 seconds after we're on the phone to be like, "Oh God, she sounds just like she does on the podcast." We have a great conversation all about you. What's holding you back what you want, and how you can make some really simple switches before we even hang up the phone that are going to switch your perspective over to what is going well. Alright. You guys, you're having a great day. Find the proof that you need to start feeling amazing.
23:58
Thanks for listening. I will be back again next week. Take care. I hope you enjoyed this episode of the 10,000 sports podcast. Be sure to subscribe and leave a review so others can easily find this resource as well. And of course when you're ready to explore coaching with me, just jump over to 10,000 swords.com and schedule your free consultation. See you soon
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