Episode Description: Letting Go of Anxiety
Have you ever wondered why anxiety feels like it's running your life? In this episode of More Than Anxiety, I’m diving into why we sometimes hold on to anxiety even when it’s uncomfortable and we don't want it, AND how to start letting go. I'm talking about the stories we tell ourselves, the habits we build around being anxious, and how these patterns can keep us stuck.
I’ll walk you through simple, effective ways to break the anxiety cycle, including journaling prompts to rewrite your thoughts, mindfulness practices to quiet your mind, and easy routines to bring calm into your everyday life.
Whether it’s at work, with your family, or just managing the craziness of daily life, these tools will help you stop overthinking and start feeling more present and in control.
Enjoy the episode
Podcast Transcript:
Welcome to the More Than Anxiety podcast. I'm Megan Devito. and I am a life coach for stressed out and anxious women living with anxiety who want more out of life. I'm here to help you create a life you love to live, where anxiety Isn't holding you back. Get ready for a light hearted approach to managing anxiety through actionable steps, a lot of truth talk and inspiration to take action so you walk away feeling confident in your ability to have more of what you want without anxiety holding you back. Let's do this.
Welcome to Episode 35. I am so excited to be talking to you today. If this is your very first episode, welcome. I am honored to have you here. And if you're back checking out this podcast again, thank you as well. I'm so happy that you're finding value in these episodes and really enjoying them because I have so much fun recording them for you guys. I have an important question for you this week that might sound really weird, so hang in here with me - but here it is. Are you hanging on to your anxiety for dear life? And your first response might be "Megan, why on God's green earth would I do something like that?" because I know it seems ridiculous that we would hang on to something that feels so horrible. But It's really common, and we do it all the time without knowing it. There are lots of reasons why we might hang on to anxiety, even when we know it feels like garbage. So I think this will be a really eye opening episode for you when you think about why you feel so anxious and how you can start to feel better. So let's just go ahead and get started.
We like to talk about feeling anxious or stressed out like something that is part of who we are kind of like our eye color. It's been part of how we felt for so long, that it just feels normal or like that's just the way our lives are, I was programmed this way. We might even have learned to be anxious when we were really little as a way to stay safe or to be heard. So if you think of yourself as a worrier, or if you notice that you look for things that you should worry about even when you're not anxious, this might be true for you. If everything is going fine, and you're enjoying your day, and you're hanging out with your friends having dinner, maybe someone says 'oh, I should probably worry more about that,' or, 'I'm a worrier' and suddenly they start creating thoughts about what could go wrong, when 10 seconds ago, they didn't have a care in the world; that might be what's going on with them. And it could be something that you relate to as well. It's almost like this badge of honor to worry. Like they make these T shirts that say things like "Worrying is my superpower." It's actually your habit, and your identity and I'd be willing to guess that there are some sticky thoughts in there about why It's so important for you to worry. Like it makes you a more caring or a better person or it's just who you are, and you were born that way. Then I'd be curious to hear why worrying is your superpower. If that sounds like you, you can send me a message on Instagram or on Facebook, just tell me because I am genuinely curious. and I would love to learn more about this.
If the story that you have is that you were born anxious, you might have learned that to be extra cautious, or apprehensive means that you're more safe or more loved and it might feel necessary for you. So all of the physical symptoms are so familiar, that when you don't feel your heart pounding, or you don't feel like you're going as fast as you can. Or if you're not filled with adrenaline or cortisol, it can feel like something is actually wrong, when instead something is actually going right. For some people holding on to old fears or stories, even though they're exhausting or terrifying, they can actually just offer this sense of familiarity, and even a sense of control. When those feelings aren't there. It might make you feel even worse. It's unfamiliar and since we already know that the brain loves what it knows, and it wants to do as little work as possible, not feeling anxious, feels weird. It feels like you're not taking care of yourself. It feels like something is wrong. I've had people tell me that they feel good and it's making them feel worse, more anxious even.
Here's what's happening. When your body relaxes, and it starts to feel different. Your brain starts to look for a familiar feeling because it thinks that It's actually keeping you safe. Because you're on high alert, that's what it thinks. Relaxing and not feeling anxious would leave you open to being hurt or embarrassed or killed says your very overdramatic, teenage girl brain. Teenage girls, I love you but your brains are very dramatic. I have one of these girls, so I'm not picking on them. It's just the way that they're built right now. Okay, so obviously we know that that is not true, but your brain hasn't really caught on you, it only knows how your body feels. It feels different and different is bad.
Another reason that you might be holding on to feeling anxious is because when you are feeling anxious, you speed up. And some people freeze, but for you, if anxiety means more productivity, if it means flight, or hurry, or people-please, it can feel really strange to feel like It's okay to slow down. You can do a lot of things all at once, maybe. Maybe you have to hurry to get things done so that you feel productive or so that you think you're productive. Or you hurry not to be late so no one is upset with you or say things that might be bad. Or you hurried to whatever is next on your list. Some people think anxiety actually makes them better at their jobs, or makes them more productive. You might be faster, and you might even be hyper focused, but on the flip side, you're also completely stressed out and that feels normal. And what we know about stress is that it knocks out your immune system, it raises your blood pressure and makes you really grouchy and not very fun to be around. It can cause you to make mistakes, and you're just generally exhausted and not the best person only because you're entertaining the fact that you have to feel stressed out to be productive, or to make someone else happy. Are you following me?
Okay, if you're killing it at your job, and your backstory is that you like to feel the way that you feel, I'm going to challenge that right now and ask you if you remember what it feels like not to be stressed out or anxious. Because my guess is that It's not that you like it, It's just that it feels normal. So what if you were able to show up to work, be relaxed, and focus, do an amazing job, and not feel like you might pop a blood vessel, then you went home and you had the emotional bandwidth to spend some time with your family or your friends. To do that you might have to let go of needing to feel anxious to be great at your job. You can be just as good and even better, when you're not burning the candle at both ends. This could be like mind blowing information for some people. So depending on how anxiety shows up in your life, any one of these reasons might be a reason for you to try and stay anxious. and maybe It's something else entirely, but I'd love to dive deeper into this idea with you because I'm fascinated by it. I just remember feeling so anxious that I would have done anything to feel better, but I do know there are a lot of people that thrive on feeling stressed out and anxious. and they have this great backstory for why it's the best thing. And I'm just here to say It's really not. You just don't know what you're missing on the other side.
So if you're holding on to old fears or stories about who you are, if you just keep telling yourself or other people that you're a worrier, or I was just born to be anxious. Like this is what my mom was like, this is what my dad was like. Or if you think that you have to be extra cautious, if you think you can never say no, if you think that if you make a mistake, or if you're late that somebody will hate you, or you'll get fired, whatever your story is that your brain is telling you. If you think you're not capable of living without anxiety being part of your day, and there's really no other way of being for you, I assure you, there is a big, beautiful life out there without constant anxiety or needing anxiety to be successful. It just feels motivating, because your brain is telling you that it'sworking. But It's doing all kinds of other things, too. That's only your brain hanging on to what it knows, and It's causing you to give up on what you really want and really deserved for this false sense of control.
But here's the thing, letting go, even when It's something that you truly want, can dig up some really scary feelings. So imagine a time in your life, that letting go felt like something like giving up. Maybe it's like, 'if I let go of control of my kids and I gave up on parenting them.' 'If I let go of control of my significant other, then I'm just telling them they can do whatever they want.' Just a story your brains telling you, by the way, not true. But go back to that time where you gave up on something. Maybe you had to say goodbye or even letting yourself forget things that are still important to you or that were once important to you; things or people who were really intricately woven into your life. Maybe you had to say goodbye to an old friend, somebody that you just were not in line with anymore. Maybe your best friend moved across the country and you knew that up keeping that relationship was going to be really difficult so you had to step back on how frequently you are talking. These are hard decisions to make. It can be very similar when you're deciding to let go of your anxiety story. It can feel heavy. It can feel scary. But carrying around these feelings of sadness and fear and guilt and anger, that get wrapped up in a great big knot that we call anxiety is also very heavy.
So what if you actually let yourself feel the crappy stuff? What if you learn to trust yourself instead of believing the same scary thoughts or following the same feelings all the time? If that was possible, would it be worth it to? Would you be willing to let go for that? So there's a few practices to help you start to let go and really question the stories that you've been telling yourself that you can do right now you can start these today. They're simple. They're things that I've done every day for a very long time. They're things that I teach my coaching clients, they're things that I teach groups of high schoolers, and I teach them even to like, littler kids. Anybody can do this.
One is just looking at your thoughts as if you're just watching a movie. What if you just wrote down what you thought? Yeah, I'm talking about journaling. But what if you wrote down your thoughts? and then actually went back to read what you wrote and said, 'I wonder why I wrote that.' 'I wonder what I was actually thinking when I wrote that.' Have you ever gone back and read anything that you've journaled and thought, 'I've no idea what was going on in my life but that's crazy!' whatever I wrote down there. This can happen, but you do have to go back and read it and really let yourself get curious on what was I thinking when I wrote that down.
Another thing... you guys have heard this before... meditating or practicing mindfulness. Something that you need to know, because I hear this a lot, 'Megan, I can't meditate, because my brain just won't shut off!' And yes, that is true, your brain won't shut off because that would be like telling your heart to shut off. It doesn't happen that way. Your brains job is to think it is to keep you safe. and even when you try to meditate. Your brain is going to keep thinking. That is okay. It's not about making it go completely dark and not having anything in there. It's about teaching your brain to focus on what you want to focus on. I listened to an Abraham Hicks recording once that said, to focus on to the sound of the radiator in your house, I've heard to focus on the air going in and out of your nose, it doesn't really matter. It's just choosing something that you can turn your attention to. It's all good. I did a post on this on social media last year; I live in the middle of the country and the farmers around me have corn dryers. And if you don't live in the country, if you live in a city and you're like I don't know what that is, it's basically a fan that they turn on at harvest aand it runs for like months and months. And it just makes this noise this like low hum noise that as soon as they turn them on, you're like, "Oh, it's the corn dryers. 'But you can hear them. So I can meditate to the sound of a corn dryer, because that is the girl that I am. I can actually sit in the room that I'm recording this podcast and when the corn dryers are on, I can meditate to a corn dryer. It's just finding someplace to direct your attention so that those thoughts, you know, the anxious ones that get all up in your way, I'm thinking about this corn dryer noise right now, or the sound that the dishwasher makes. Or maybe you have a fan in the room. It's only focusing your attention and yes, your mind will wander away, and then you refocus. That's what you're going for.
So journaling was where we started. Meditation and mindfulness. Mindfulness is just noticing where you are, how your body feels. Another thing that I think is probably the most powerful thing you can do, when you're trying to let go of feeling anxious all the time is to create routines because creating routines for your day that change your normal, anxious routine, all create this awareness that can help you see your anxious habits, so you know where to start changing what you're doing. Once you see what you're doing is fueled by anxiety, you can make those new habits that let you slow down and start to relax. But knowing where to start opens the opportunities for you to make those intentional changes. If you haven't listened to Episode 33 yet, go back and check that out. Because It's all about routines and how routines can lower your anxiety and they're really powerful in helping you to calm your body, calm your mind and start making changes.
If all of this sounds really fantastic and a little overwhelming it's okay. I've got you. Consultation calls are a perfect place to come to get help getting started. You get to tell me what's going on, what you're most anxious about, what's driving you crazy, and then really, "Okay, well, That's driving you crazy, what would you rather have?" And we talk about that. We come up with a starting point and sometimes that's coaching and sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's therapy. Sometimes there's something else. It's super easy to do. Just go to the show notes, schedule the consultation call, pick a time that works for you, and call me so that we can get you started feeling better, because here's what I do as your coach. I'm going to help you find the habits that you use right now to feel productive, that feel normal, but they're actually keeping you super anxious, because they're anxious habits. And we'll talk about what you'd rather feel or rather do and we'll find some really great steps to get you feeling calm and to help you You relax, while you're still killing it at work. It's all possible but you have to let me know that you want help because I don't know who's listening right now; unless you leave me like a comment or something. Just say, Hey, I listened, which would be great because I never know.
So you can start, like I said, by scheduling a consultation call and we'll just spend an hour talking about all those sticky thoughts and the feelings that can keep you feeling trapped and anxious and doing the same things over and over and over again, out of habit simply to feel safe, and just come up with a new plan that works for you. You actually can relax and be great at your job. You can step back and be a phenomenal parents. You can do all of those things. and you can learn that having a calm body, and a body that's not keyed up, is possible with out being unsafe, and start to feel like you're successful, and that you're a good mom, and that people want to hear what you have to say. Totally foreign thoughts, right? But It's all true. That's all waiting. I hope this episode gave you some really great insight and opened the door for you to take a look at how often you feel anxious, and what you think about feeling anxious. Thanks for listening, and I will be back again next week. Take care.
I hope you've enjoyed this episode of The More Than Anxiety podcast. Be sure to subscribe and leave a review so others can easily find this resource as well. And of course, when you're ready to explore coaching with me, jump to the show notes, click the link, and schedule time for us to talk. See you soon.
Comments