Episode Description: Overcoming Anxiety So You Love Your Life
If you're constantly feeling stressed, overwhelmed, and anxious, and you're tired of it holding you back, this episode is for you.
In this episode, I'm diving deep into the challenges of wanting more when anxiety is in the driver's seat. We'll explore:
The Anxious Brain: How anxiety can limit your vision and keep you stuck in a cycle of fear and doubt.
Breaking Free: Practical strategies to calm your mind, manage stress, and boost your confidence.
Taking Back Control of Your Life: Discover how to redirect and use your thoughts to create a life filled with joy, peace, and purpose.
Are you ready to take control of your anxiety and live a life you love?
Book a free consultation call with me to learn how coaching can help you overcome anxiety and achieve your goals.
Podcast Transcript:
Welcome to the More than Anxiety Podcast. I'm Megan Devito and I am the Life Coach for women and teenagers living with anxiety who want more out of life. I'm here to help you create a life you love to live where anxiety Isn't holding you back. Get ready for a light hearted approach to managing anxiety through actionable steps, a lot of truth talk and inspiration to take action. So you walk away feeling confident in your ability to live a life that sets your heart on fire. Let's do this.
Welcome to Episode 25 of the More Than Anxiety podcast. If you have been here before, it is great to have you back. And if this is your first episode, thank you for joining me; Welcome! I'm excited to have you here. I'm recording this episode in February of 2023 and this is an episode I've been rolling in round in my head for a very long time. It didn't really start out as a podcast episode, it started out as a Facebook post that I saw a while back where someone addressed the idea of changing their life and their thought was that they liked their life, and they didn't really feel a need for more money and more things and it got me wondering so many things about myself. First of all, let me say that I took it personally because that's what anxious brains tend to do. We like to pretend like things are about us even when they're not and it wasn't. But it also got me getting really curious about what it means to want more, and how hard it can be to come up with ideas of having more, or using that, "magic wand" when you're just trying not to fall apart. I have lots of thoughts to share in this episode and I have a feeling that they're going to make a lot of sense to you.
Once you know what's going on in your brain, when you're already feeling anxious all the time it just makes sense that trying to want more or see past your current situation, or even changing your life can feel completely out of reach, really, really scary, or even dangerous and I'm going to explain why. Because if you're in the situation where people are daydreaming about what they want to do, and you're like, I can't fathom any of this; yeah, that's totally normal.
So let me start by saying that I love it when people live their lives, and they don't have this frantic need to climb over their neighbors or they're not always trying to go out and get the newest best thing and buying stuff all the time. Not because I don't think people should have things but because I'm kind of a little bit of a tree hugger and I don't think we need as much stuff, so maybe it's a guilt thing for me, but I don't have that need to always have more. But I do like to do things and I do like nice things. I want to go on vacations, I want to have experiences, I want to have nice stuff. So I'm okay with having things, but contentment and gratitude are the foundation of loving your life and loving who you are. All of these thoughts that I'm having are not to discount, loving where you are and what you have. You should definitely do that. You should definitely find gratitude and joy in where you are. My thoughts are more about what changing your life could actually look like if you were able to think past how you feel because I'm going to tie this back to what it's like to be an anxious person, and to want more, and what It's like to be somebody who's not anxious and to want more.
So when you're anxious, and you're living with this low level anxiety or even high level anxiety, whether you're high functioning or you're stuck in your house, you're under constant stress, and its sometimes impossible to even allow yourself to think past how you feel. This is why for people who are not dealing with the thoughts that you are because you are anxious, changing their life is easy to imagine because their brain is able to think. They can picture themselves, quitting their job, or moving across the country, or traveling around the world. But for you, because your brain is so focused on how your body feels or the things that you fear, changing your life might be as simple as just changing how you feel.
There's a couple of reasons why this could be true for you, when you are anxious, whether it's, you're going out into the world and doing life anxious, or you are trapped anxious, either way, whether you're high functioning or not, you are living in a constant state of stress, which is fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. You're either trying to escape something, you're trying to fight it off, you're hiding away in your house, or your people pleasing your head off. Your brain's job is to figure out why you feel so bad by coming up with stories that are rarely true and to keep you fighting, fighting, freezing, or people pleasing so you just stay stuck.
The second reason is when you stop and pay attention to what you're thinking, the thoughts are always back to who you think about who you are, about how you feel about what you can control, and what you don't think you can do. So if you had a wish, or you had a thought of going bigger in your life, your brain is going to shut that down because it's seen as a threat. It's going to tell you that you're not you're not strong enough, you're not good enough, people don't like you enough, you can't control that, it would be dangerous, who do you think you are? Those thoughts are all anxious thoughts that are completely created to keep you from taking action and moving forward. So thinking bigger and wanting more doesn't happen when your brain and your body are fired up.
I've seen this so many times with my clients when we first start. We get on a consult call and all they really want is to feel better or to feel normal. They want to relax, they want to spend time with their family because that is a total change in their life. They can't relax when they spend time with their family; they're not present. In order for you to even begin to imagine really feeling good, and by good, I am talking about being able to take a deep breath and to relax. I'm talking about leaving the Pepcid and Imodium at home when you go out without batting an eye. I'm talking about falling asleep and staying asleep, and not waking up tired and already on guard. And of course not feeling like less than the people around you; not overthinking every single decision and wondering if someone was giving you a weird look at work.
You have to change what you think about how your body feels when you are anxious and what you think about yourself. That's easier said than done though, right? Because if you're listening to this episode, you've probably known that for a while. And you might be rolling your eyes and ready to hit stop; keep going - stick with me. You are listening to this right now because you're trying really, really hard and doing everything that you know to do to stop feeling anxious. All of your energy is going into paying attention to how your body feels, what your emotions are, and you're trying to figure out what is actually wrong.
Anxiety is a thinking problem. It's about how you think about yourself and that includes how your body feels when you're anxious, and about who you are as a person. And the you who is out there doing all the right things to feel better is doing the work, but the true change doesn't come from thinking more! It comes from changing how you think you have to become a person who isn't anxious or you'll keep going back to the same habits that help for a little bit but never really help you feel better. You'll just keep doing the things and fighting and thinking and fighting and thinking. But when you are anxious, you aren't thinking clearly, your brain hasn't adapted and turned into that new person yet, so you can't stay in that life of that new person. Does that make sense?
Let me explain it to you this way. So think about somebody, like you hear the stories on the news about people who win the lottery and they go from barely having enough money to pay their bills and then like one hot second later, they're a millionaire. And suddenly they are loaded. They're rich. Most of these people go right back to being broke in a very short amount of time because their brains were not prepared to have that much money on their hands. Their brains were still identifying them as somebody who didn't have money. So they self sabotage themselves and they did everything they could to get rid of the money so that they went back to the status quo. This is the same as the quick things that you do like splashing cold water on your face, or other grounding techniques, or even when you ask other people to reassure you that you're okay. You feel better for a short amount of time and your anxiety level goes down. You're like the lottery winner when the big check arrives, but your brain hasn't learned a new way of thinking. So you quickly spiral back into feeling anxious, just like the lottery winner goes back to being broke. The same thing happens until you change how you think so you can let go of how anxiety feels, and what you think.
When you're feeling anxious, your brain has to keep up with the new you. It has to understand that It's okay to feel this way. It has to be able to look at your thoughts and find what's actually true so that you can change those thoughts and change your brain. Your brain has to keep up with the new you and your new life to make these changes and make them stick. Whether It's deciding to escape corporate America, or becoming a fishing worm farmer, or to accept that you are lovable, and smart, and you can say no to people and be loud and proud about it changes that last are the new thoughts that we create that deal with how you feel about yourself, and about how anxiety feels in your body.
This is how you do it. It's simple. It takes effort but it is not complicated. First thing you do is you schedule a consultation call and we talk about how you're feeling and where you see anxiety messing up your day. On the call, you get to tell me all the things that are in your way, and what you're doing right now and we talk about what you would rather feel instead. I would rather feel calm, I would rather not have a stomach ache, I would rather not have tension headaches, I would rather not want to go to the bathroom and cry. I would rather be present with my kids. I'd rather feel like I could go out and have dinner without people looking at me. Those are all great new ways to change your life, you get to decide if I'm the right coach for you and I get to decide if you're the right client for me. And if that's the case, you can decide if you want to move forward.
When you decide to say yes to coaching, you've already done the first step, you've broken at least one cycle in you're anxious pattern by creating an off ramp. Instead of going back to asking for reassurance, or to thinking that you're some sad sack sitting alone in the office, you've chosen to take action, and that broke the cycle. And sometimes that step in itself is scary and your brain might freak out on you. It's Okay, it happens. It can feel really unsafe and it can make you second guess yourself. Your brain will might even throw up thoughts about not being worthy of help, you should be able to do it on your own, you don't have time, it won't work. None of this is true. It's only your brain trying to keep you from changing. Because even though anxiety feels miserable, It's safe, because you've done it before. And it feels like you're trying because you keep doing the same things over and over. It thinks It's taking action; it's just not. Remember change is unfamiliar, your brain wants familiarity, even the uncomfortable and the anxious kind. So can you see how just creating that one step that one phone call moves you forward? It is a big deal.
This is how to make it happen and I'll tell you something, it doesn't take long. Because if you start now with coaching, you will notice that you're not anxious, or not as anxious, in sometimes as little as three weeks. And you'll notice you're not lying awake at night as much. And you'll start to notice anxiety faster in your body so you get a handle on the thoughts faster too. It builds on itself.
First, you find where you feel anxious and you'll be able to tell me where you feel it in your body, what it looks like and what it feels like and you'll be so familiar with it that you'll be able to draw me a picture of your anxiety. You'll have a perfect picture of what it looks like and sometimes these pictures are hilarious. Like sometimes it's like a purple fuzzy monster. Sometimes It's a bunch of swirls for people. Sometimes It's a bunch of thought bubbles. There's no right or wrong answer here. It's whatever you think it looks like.
I'm also going to teach you what to do to calm your body down. As soon as you feel it, this gets to be your next new habit and it sets you up for the next step. Remember, we have to calm your body down first so that you can think clearly. That's really important. Once you know how anxiety feels and how to calm your body down, then It's time to listen to that anxious spot that you just drew a picture of. Mine always looks like a little monster; like a little purple spiky monster. But you get to pay attention to what It's saying to you. You're not going to hear voices in your head but you will know what It's saying. Your body holds all the answers to why you are anxious and what you really need but you have to pay attention. When you learn to listen to what you need, you can find the truth instead of listening to the scary thoughts. As your brain tries to solve for that nasty feeling, It's going to create some really horrifying thoughts; that doesn't make them true. It doesn't make them dangerous. It doesn't mean you're crazy. It doesn't mean anything at all. It's just trying to solve for a problem that doesn't exist.
Coaching, though, helps you create new thoughts, and to think new thoughts so that you don't have to believe the ones that aren't true. It allows you to feel confident enough to act differently. One thought change can derail your entire anxiety train. You have to feel safe enough to let go and to trust yourself and that comes through what you think about yourself, and what you believe about your ability to get better. It goes to what you believe about your ability to have more of what feels good, and to be able to change your life. And you do that by changing your thoughts, and changing the way your brain thinks about how you feel but you can't keep doing the same little steps over and over again because it doesn't get you the change that you deserve. It takes trusting yourself. It takes learning to feel confident, and knowing that what you think about who you are, and how you feel is important. And you deserve to be able to exhale! Your body learns to relax, your brain isn't foggy, you're not constantly spinning, and you get to sleep better. And when you sleep better, you're automatically less anxious so there's a double win. And you realize that the trash talk that you're afraid people are always saying about you is really just the trash talk that you were saying about yourself anyway and It's not there anymore because we're changing how you think about how you feel. Coaching gives you a safe place to look at what you think. And to start asking why you think it. I have seen people talk themselves in circles about how weird or stupid they are only to make a sudden detour and to realize that absolutely none of it is true. They've actually stopped mid sentence and said, Wait a minute; that's not even true! I don't know why I think that. It's amazing. You learn to feel sure about yourself and to speak up for what you want because when you feel sure, you don't question your next move, you just know what's right. This is what changing your life can look like. And yes, if you decide you want to have more and do more, once you're feeling good, go, freakin go for it! I want that for you. And if you decide that you love yourself, because what the heck is there not to love, and you're thrilled that you don't have a headache and IBS all day and that's the change you've been waiting for, I am 100% here for that too. It is your life and you deserve to live it without being held back by feelings and thoughts all the time. Feelings move you forward, thoughts move you forward. But they can also work in reverse and keep you right where you are and feeling like there's no way forward. You can start this today.
Remember, the consultation is the first step. It's the first off ramp. Go to the shownotes and click the link or you can just go to www.megandevito.com/workwithme. Choose a time that works for you. You call me at the time that you picked and we talk for an hour about what anxiety is messing up or what it feels like for you and what you want to see and do instead. And we start small, you don't have to tell me that you would like to be in the next Olympic trials unless that's what you want to do and we can talk about that too. You get to know me a little bit, I get to know you a little bit. And if we decide to do coaching, if we decide that's the next best step, and you choose to say yes, then we schedule your first coaching call. It's easy. We talk for an hour a week, and we work towards your goals.
It is 100% Okay, to love your life, and to want more. It's also 100%. okay, if your brain absolutely can't come up with anything that you'd like to change, other than to not feel anxious. And in fact, that's pretty normal. I know you've got what it takes, and I cannot wait to talk with you. Schedule your consult. It's in the show notes. And I will talk to you before next week podcast drops.
I hope you've enjoyed this episode of The More Than Anxiety podcast. Be sure to subscribe and leave a review so others can easily find this resource as well. And of course when you're ready to explore coaching with me, jump to the show notes. Click the link and schedule time for us to talk. See you soon.
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