Episode Description: How To Create Joy
Feeling overwhelmed by the holiday season? This podcast episode offers practical tips for finding joy and peace, even when you're feeling stressed, sad, and lonely. Discover how to create meaningful experiences, connect with others, and find joy in the spirit of the holidays.
Learn how to:
Break free from negativity and find joy
Overcome stress, sadness, and loneliness
Create lasting memories
Embrace the true spirit of the holidays and connect with others.
Whether you're struggling with financial difficulties, relationship issues, or simply feeling overwhelmed, this episode will provide you with the tools and inspiration you need to find joy and peace this holiday season.
Tune in and discover how to create a more meaningful and fulfilling holiday experience.
Here's a sneak peek of what you'll learn:
The difference between joy and happiness and how to choose joy, even when you're feeling sad
The power of memories and how to turn the past into a celebration
The importance of gratitude and how to give back to others
How to find joy when you're alone and feeling isolated
The transformative power of spirituality and how to connect with something bigger than yourself
Transcript:
Welcome to Episode 12. This episode is being recorded in November of 2022 and by the time this episode airs, we will just have celebrated Thanksgiving, so we are in the hustle and bustle of the season. I am a Christmas fan but I have to admit that it's not the same when you're an adult, as when you're a kid, and it's definitely not the same when your kids are a little bit older as it was when they weren't all these like cute little wide eyed, expectant little babies. So I suppose I have a different appreciation for the holidays than I used to and I'm here today to share some insights on how you can find joy this holiday season and even bring back some of the magic that might have dwindled over time. But I have to start by checking in with all of my friends here and ask how you're doing. We all know the holidays are supposed to be filled with cheer, and that you're supposed to be like baking cookies, or celebrating with friends and family and just basically be jolly all around the clock. But just what if you're not? What if you're having a blue Christmas or if it's even more than just plain blue? Maybe it's jet black. I want you to know, first and foremost, that you're definitely not alone. The holiday season can be super rough, for all sorts of reasons. I get it. My hope in this episode is that if you're struggling to find joy this holiday season, or whenever you are listening to this podcast, you'll use these ideas that I'm sharing that will help you create more peace and more joy in your life. And if you're feeling fantastic that you'll just share this episode with somebody who actually is struggling, because it's a thing, isn't it? We hear it all the time. Some people call you a scrooge and I guess I just call you human because sometimes things are hard. So let's go ahead and dive into this episode. Let's start by getting really clear on what the differences between feeling joyful, and feeling happy because those two things are not the same thing. Joy is the feeling that you have inside of you. It comes from within. Happiness comes from outside; it's an outward expression. Does that make sense? Joy doesn't have to have great circumstances; it has a deeper meaning and purpose. A person who feels happy, might be excited about something great that happened. Someone gave them a compliment, or they're having a really great da and those things can go up and down very quickly. A person who has happiness can feel joy. But a person who feels joy may not always be happy. Did I explained that well enough? I hope so. So you can be sad and still feel joy, you can be stressed out and find joy: joy is a decision. And when you're trying to get out of the dumps, having the opportunity to choose is really powerful stuff. It puts you in control. It puts you in the driver's seat. It's an action versus relying on somebody or something else to step in and make you feel better. You don't have to have something to happen for you to feel joy. But you might in order to feel happy. Your holiday may not be in your control, whatever you celebrate, or if you're listening in March or August or whatever the circumstances of your life may not be in your control. What's happening around you, influences your happiness but your joy, since it comes from within, is in your control. You get to choose joy. You may not get to choose the circumstances or what's going on around you. So I want to tell you a quick story because I told you that Christmas has always been one of my favorite times of yea. And I can remember when I was little... maybe this sounds familiar. Staying awake on Christmas Eve and basically getting up, I don't know how many times in the night, asking my dad or my mom, "Can we get up now? "Can we get up?" "Is it time to get up yet?" over and over and over. And I was always told, you know, "go back to bed. It's not time. You have to wait until at least five a.m.and now I'm like, wait, we're not doing this. Yeah, I get it. Like I, I'm sorry that I woke you up 100 times a night on Christmas Eve (to my parents). But I was sure that Santa Claus was going to bring me a puppy because that's all I ever asked for was a puppy. I had this thing where I thought I would get this adorable little yellow puppy in my stocking and I asked every hear you guys! I never got the puppy. It's okay, I'm fine. But I used to have these really vivid dreams about decorations and magic. And yes, I started listening to Christmas music earlier than the radio station start playing it now, which is like the day after Halloween. And as an adult, I would do anything to have that feeling of magic and wonder back. At This point, my kids are past the Santa magic and it really kind of stinks, except for when it doesn't. Christmas looks different - really different. But, knowing that my 22 year old son still turns on Christmas music way, way, way too early and that he calls his sister last week and asked her if they could bake stuff. (She's 20.) That gives me the warm fuzzy mom feelings! I love that! I have to let myself feel the magic in a different way and to realize that I might have to dig deep and let go because it's just not as easy to come by. And yes, I've had years where I wondered if I would ever feel that wonderful Christmas feeling again, I really have. Celebrating without my grandparents, or not having my cousin's around, changing routines and schedules so that we can try to be together, but knowing that not everybody is going to make it, my kids growing up and having that change in how they view Christmas... All the years that I struggled with really intense anxiety, made me wonder if I would even live to see another Christmas because I was always sure I was going to die. Or even if I wanted to be alive the next year because everything felt so scary to me. I can remember gauging my life, even at 10 years old, on if I'd be around or if I would ever have another Christmas. It felt like incredible pressure and sadness instead of joy. I felt that before that pressure and that emptiness and it's something that I hope that none of you are feeling. But if you are, I get it. Some of you might be struggling financially. Some of you might be alone. Some of you might be sick, or have lost someone that you love recently. And maybe your past experience with the holidays, pretty much set you up to expect them to suck anyway, maybe they were always disappointing and awful. But we're going to tackle all of this right now because I want this to be a hopeful episode. I want you to leave this feeling like there's opportunity and positivity and joy out there everywhere as opposed to being like, "Oh, she gets it, it really does suck!" That's not the point of this podcast at all. My point in telling you that I've experienced this is because we all do. It's normal, but you can still feel joy. So here are my top five ways that you can bring more joy to this season, even if you feel stressed out and anxious. Are you ready? Number one. I want you to focus on memories that make you feel good. Focus on the things that make you feel good. So let's start with being an adult and really missing that nostalgia or the good old days, or maybe somebody who isn't with you anymore. There's really, really something special about being a child during the holidays, whatever holiday you celebrate. Whether it's the Fourth of July, or Christmas, or Easter, or Hanukkah, or Ramadan or anything like that. Being a kid at that time of the year is magic! Between, for me, like flying reindeer or beautiful lights or visiting Santa, little kids eyes light up. It's no joke! You can look at them and you can tell that they've got so much excitement and joy. I think it's safe to say that most of us miss some part of that or that sense of wonder and blind belief that we used to have. So maybe if you're like me, you miss family members who aren't with you anymore, or maybe a place that you used to live or just to the feeling. That feeling of not being responsible for making dinner and having to have everything together, and do all the things for everyone else... maybe you just wish that you could just go back to that so you could sit and relax and enjoy it now. You can't go back. I'm sorry, but you can go forward. Part of what you loved was the security and the traditions and that made that season so sparkly, along with this anticipation of presets or whatever else that you really loved.So looking forward to what was familiar, and fun created this really positive anticipation. Whereas now, you might be feeling some negative anticipation or stress. So yeah, even though things are different, and maybe you feel sad or even anxious about the change. You can still choose to attach positive thoughts and feelings to these changes, while you still miss the things you did as a kid. Those are really great memories; there's a reason you miss those things. Our traditions are special, because of the memories that are attached to them, not because of what we were actually doing. So you can choose to find thoughts that make the holiday season special, and perfect. And it's really just a thought. That's all it is. Here's an example. I absolutely 100% understand the idea of missing your grandparents, I think I already said that...as well as a whole bunch of other people who aren't around in my life anymore. I could choose to sit and focus on how it used to be and how it feels now that they're not here, I can sit there and miss them. And I can shift the thought just as easily. Does that make sense? I could sit there and think about everything that I don't have anymore, or I can shift my thought to thinking about them, and loving what they brought to the experience of the holidays for me. So I could go and use that old recipe that maybe my aunt or my grandma used to make. I could bake the cookies and in the process of baking them, I could remember all of the fun that used to happen that centered around whatever it is that I was baking. I could use that recipe and take those cookies, or that pie, or that casserole, whatever it is that I made, to a homeless shelter and I could give it to the people that live there. And I could watch them light up and get to experience some of what I loved as a kid. "Look at these things! Somebody brought me cookies, or food, they remembered me!" I could take them to the fire station, or to the workers at the hospital who are working in the ER on Christmas Eve. It's not a fun place to be. But I could bring that memory back to life and share it with somebody else. The idea here is not to ignore the feelings, we don't want to ignore them, they're real, that sadness that you feel about missing someone is real! I don't want you to ignore it, I just want you to tell yourself a new story about where you are right now, The things and the people that you miss, even though it might feel sad or heavy, you can choose to remember what you loved about the people and the events, and celebrate the feelings that brought you so much joy in the past, by doing those things again, and bringing the feeling back to life. Yes, you can still miss the person, but you can miss them with joy, and with really positive memories and when you do that, you get to turn the past into a celebration, as opposed to a sad memory or something that you've lost. And this is number two. How can you turn the past into a celebration? So memories of how things used to be can be as comforting as they are painful. Like you can be really happy that you have these memories, and they can still hurt. I get it. I remember... I'm going back to my grandparents a lot on this which is really crazy because I'm recording this in my little office room with a picture of my grandma right in front of me, so I have to keep reminding myself not to look at it too much because it kind of makes me tear up. But I'm going to switch and talk about my grandpa's for a minute. They have been gone for a while now but I remember both of my grandpa's sitting in their like, respective recliners, right. They both had recliners, which was funny because we didn't really ever have a recliner at my house, but I thought it was a big deal that my grandparents had them but my mom didn't like recliners so we didn't have recliner. But man, I loved my grandpa's recliners! Anyway, I remember them sitting there, my grandpa my one grandpa smoked cigarettes and the other one smoked a Pipe or a cigar. And I remember this like yesterday. I remember the smell. And let me tell you that when I smell vanilla pipe, or like a good cigar, it gives me all the feelings. I love it! I don't get that way with cigarettes, but that's okay. So I remember their laugh though and how annoyed they would get at like the dumbest stuff. Like my one grandpa would tell me, "You make a better door than you do a window" and he would do it with this smirk on his face but it was always because I would be like standing in front of the TV and blocking out the IU basketball game or I'd walk in front of the TV in the summer right in front of like, the Cubs are just getting ready to make some play and I would just stand there... and he would get so mad at me. And the other one would get so upset, like if people got too rowdy or something like that. But they did it with so much love. They would just laugh and they would get annoyed and they both whistled. So it just I love that feeling. This like, funny little whistle or anything that like that that comes back to mind for me. And I can't help wondering what would they think of my kids. I miss these guys like with my whole heart. And you know what else I could sit and think about how sad it is that my Grandpa doesn't get to see my kids at Christmas and how much I missed the smell of vanilla pipe or any of those other things, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that they would let me have it if I sat around on Christmas, and did nothing because I missed them. It is 10,000% okay for me to miss them; it is not okay for me not to celebrate, or to feel guilty for enjoying the holiday, or to let their loss steal my joy. I love them way too much for that. And they've been gone for 20 years, a long time... more than 20 years! But after all, this just shows how much love there was and to be able to smile at their memory instead of crying at their loss at this point in the game. It doesn't make me less sad, it just reminds me of how amazing they were. I get to love them and acknowledge them and celebrate them and I get to celebrate for them by bringing them into that moment in my memory. I get to just have it there. You can bring the past into your present this way and you can create new traditions. Those old memories are tied to new traditions and they can bring laughter, and tears, and those little bubbles of joy, that break that cycle of sadness that comes from missing the past. It's like time traveling. And it's almost like bringing someone back to life. And it's all about what you focus on. It's about your thoughts about missing them. "God, I miss the way vanilla pipe smelled at Christmas, I miss the way my grandpa would get annoyed when we would like throw wrapping paper, I missed those things. It was so fun! You know what I'm going to recreate this." And in my memory, It's good, and I get to use those memories to create traditions for what I want my holiday to look like. You have that power. You have that power. Okay, third, Get Unto Gratitude. Gratitude is so important and powerful when you are trying to find joy. You might not have an extra dollar in your pocket, but you can still give. Giving is incredible. It's what Christmas is about, isn't it? What can we give? And yes, I know your kids might have some really big wishes with all of these ideas about what Bobby and Susie from school are getting for Christmas or Hanukkah or Ramadan or whatever holiday that you're celebrating, that can make you feel guilty when you think about what you "should" be able to do. Or maybe you're comparing your financial situation or your life situation to someone else's. I want to offer a different thought. Think back to what you remember most about holiday experiences, or your favorite memories. What do you remember? Maybe you actually remember a really special gift. But what else comes to mind too? I can tell you that I absolutely remember getting a Cabbage Patch Kid and a Care Bear. I was like I'm an 80s kid...maybe like 70s/ 80s kid... and Cabbage Patch Kids and Care Bears were the best! And I don't mean these new Care Bears because I've seen them in the store and they're ugly. That's not Care Bear. I have a Care Bear. We actually did this really fun thing last Christmas. My family does this really awesome theme every year. We have a different theme every year but, one year we did Charlie Brown Christmas, and one year we did the Grinch, and one year we did Christmas in Germany, and one year we did "This" and we just we decorate the house to be that way. We eat the food either from the movie or from the country or whatever else. And we play the music, and we play the games, and we always have a theme! Last year our Christmas was Christmas nostalgia. So my mom didn't tell me she was doing this, but our theme... I was really confused about how this was going to end up because I thought, "Okay, how is my nostalgia gonna be the same as someone else's nostalgia?" She nailed it because she bought us toys that she remembers buying us as kids. And I think she must have spent like, months on eBay because I got a vintage Care Bear. And we did that thing where you can swap gifts with other people, and my niece tried to try to steal it from me and I shut her down. She seven you guys and I was like, "You absolutely cannot have This Care Bear!" I went back into like, my inner child was ready to fight for Share Bear. So yes, it might have been about the toy and there was some really cool stuff about that, but my guess is, even though you might remember a toy, or something really awesome that you got on Christmas, what about the feeling? Because I also have incredible memories of taking drives to look at Christmas lights, or staying up late to watch Charlie Brown on TV, or stringing popcorn or listening to Christmas music while I jumped on the couch. I remember moments, not just gifts. And if that's the case, and I can have that much gratitude for the moment and the experience instead of just the gift, how does that change things? How can you create joy this holiday? Whatever holiday you celebrate, or whatever day of the year that you're listening to this podcast, without spending a dime? Because I'm here to tell you it is 100% possible! You know that saying "time is money," your time and attention is invaluable! The holidays are an experience and you get to choose how you view that experience. For example, what would it be like if you chose to go back to this idea of visiting a nursing home or a fire department or something? Let's say you go to a nursing home and you spend time with the folks who live there who are alone and they're definitely missing the holidays or their people! They're not, you know, think about what it would be like to visit the nursing home and hang out there just for a little bit. @hat an amazing gift to these people and to yourself and even to your kids to be able to bring that joy to somebody else! By going there to visit, go do a puzzle, go play games, go sing songs...here's the thing, giving time and energy is powerful, and it creates joy; more than any toy you could ever give. So here's another idea; visit an animal shelter. Have a very puppy and Kitty Christmas. Visit a hospital: bring homemade cards, or cookies and candy canes to the doctors or the nurses or the patients. Visit the fire department or the jail, and bring some holiday cheer to the workers or the volunteers, or even the inmates! Giving is so much more than some box that you get from Apples, or a sweater that you buy at Macy's. Did I just say apples? I meant Apple. You know what I meant? Right?If you're already flipping to a thought that might sound like, "Christmas is just so bland and meaningless. And it's all about the presents." "Holidays are just too expensive", or whatever else put your focus on the money, shift your thoughts! Yes, it can be expensive. if you choose for it to be. It can be meaningless if you don't attach meaning. And it's bland if you make it bland. I am absolutely not wanting to shove my beliefs down anyone's throat. I do not think that is my job. I feel like it is my job to love people. I'm not going to shove my beliefs down anyone's throat. But here's my thought on getting back to basics and getting into gratitude and loving Christmas for what it is, or Hanukkah for what it is, or Ramadan, or the Fourth of July, or Easter, or St. Patrick's Day... whatever! Whatever day you are on... and it doesn't have to be a holiday. obviously. But when we're going to getting back to basics, no matter how or if you have a belief system, or if you worship at all, whatever! We put an awful lot of emphasis on finding the perfect gift, having the perfect decorations, having the perfect party, doing the perfect things, the perfect house, the perfect life, Santa's cookies, all that stuff. Those things really disappear pretty quickly, don't they?And if you're looking for what that holiday feeling is all about, let me direct you to your local place of worship. Because spirituality, whether that comes in the form of Jesus, or Muhammad, or Moses, or the Maccabees, or the big Spirit in the sky, or whatever, THAT brings peace from the inside out and joy. If you are Jewish and you celebrate Hanukkah, get on down to the synagogue, dive headfirst into wonder. If you are a Christian, find a church and go. If you've never ever been to church, or to synagogue, or to mosque, or anything and you don't know anything about any of that...if Christmas has always been about Santa and presents, you can go full on Linus this year! Does This make sense? If you haven't watched Charlie Brown Christmas, I'm very sad for you. Right now, I can bring you a lot of joy in 30 minutes. Go watch that movie. What I'm getting at here is you can drop into any place of worship and let yourself feel. And if you're terrified that you're gonna get struck by lightning, because that has not ever been a thing you've done and you've been avoiding all that scary religious stuff, I promise you that you're going to come out very much alive. If you're Muslim, I know Christmas is not your thing, but you surround yourself with people at mosque and celebrate life and peace and joy and light there! I don't care how you worship or if you worship at all, you can still focus on the light, and the love that we all want to find in the world. That is what it's about and it is there! But you have to be intentional about looking for it. And what I'm getting at here is that when you're looking for joy, the holidays are so much deeper than gifts, or what we expect them to be like. The holidays are about connection, and love and giving. So let's cover one more thought here. I'm alone, and everything is sad. And sometimes being alone is sad, but sometimes being alone can be good. And I'm not saying you're not lonely, being alone and being lonely aren't the same thing. So how can you find joy? If you're spending the holiday alone, remember, it all goes back to a thought. What do you think about being alone? If your story is that "Nobody wants to see me," "I don't have any friends." "I am new to the city." "I'm deployed," I'm anything else...let's find something that can bring those emotions to a different level. Because while you might feel like wrapping yourself in a blanket, and drinking, and watching tear jerker movies, it is the exact opposite of what you need to do. If you're going to find some joy, it's going to take a quick minute of courage and some blind faith. But here's an idea. What would happen if you chose with intention to get up, and get dressed, and get out? Because staying in and wallowing in that feeling or that thought is not going to show you joy. It's going to show you what you're expecting. You'll always find what you're looking for! What if you put on your best ugly Christmas sweater, or something that makes you feel extra strong, or sexy, or gorgeous, and you went to a museum, or ballet or a movie? What if you called one friend that you haven't talked to in awhile who might also be alone and see if they'd like to meet for a drink, or brunch? Whatever you do, isolating yourself and staying lonely on purpose is blocking your joy. Unless you choose to think I love having this time to myself, and finding all of the goodness in my life, right here with me. Because that is just as possible. Here's the thing about traditions, and feelings and finding joy, you can make them or fall into them. So who says that you cannot make new traditions and new feelings, it is a choice.So no matter where we are in the calendar, whether you're listening to this in November, December or even August, all of these feelings go back to your focus on your thoughts. The stress over too much to do, not enough money, having to socialize, the sadness of being alone, or loss and the mourning of the past, it can all shift to joy when you look for what you have right now at a very granular level. It's finding those little sparkly things in your life that are going well and allowing those things to take the spotlight. Because what you focus on grows, and when you are looking for more joy, less stress, less anxiety and more hope, this is critical and exactly what I help people find and create when we work together.!If you are looking for more ways to feel better way, way, way beyond this holiday season, and you want to make 2023 the kickoff to a decade of amazing growth and love, maybe it's time to invest in finding joy and then finding all of this amazing stuff right inside of yourself, because that's where it is. Nothing gives me more joy than knowing that I can help somebody else feel alive and powerful and hopeful. And my hope is that this episode has filled you with some joy and some hope that the holiday season might actually be alright this year. But I don't want it to stop there because maybe you're not even listening to this at Christmas time. Okay? If you're ready to create a life doing more of what you love without feeling held hostage by anxiousness and stress, talk to me! Give yourself the best damn gift you've ever received and invest in you! Learn to let go of anxiety and watch what else opens up for you as we slip into 2023. You're gonna be amazed at the power you've been saving up with all that negative grrr for so long. It's all in there. And that starts to show up in your life when you make changes with intention and in your choices about what you think. You can schedule time for us to talk right now, if you go to www.megandevito.com/workwithme , or by clicking the link in the show notes. So as always, thank you for listening, thank you for sharing this podcast with someone else who needs to feel more joy, and I hope you have a fantastic week. Talk to you soon.
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